Fresh Squeezed Juice 1.25.16: The Internet Doesn't "Get" Wrestling

By @JuiceKovacs

The Internet Wrestling Fan is Worse than the Tea Party, Isis and Rodger Goodell combined.

I woke up today, the Monday after Royal Rumble 2016, and I noticed that “HHH” was still trending. Not only was he trending 12 hours after the Royal Rumble, he was THE top trend.

Keep this in mind as you continue to read.....

I actually had this whole WrestleMania 7 Macho King vs Ultimate Warrior story from my childhood that I was going to tell to help emphasize the point I will eventually make. However, I am slightly too hungover and slightly too lazy to get into the details of a story that was very traumatic for me (yes traumatic, I will fill you in on the details one day in the future). So I am just going to skip telling that story and jump to last night's Royal Rumble show.

I was actually watching the first part of the show with a good friend of mine. We were both distraught because of the results of the Pats/Broncos game (which was obviously a conspiracy by the NFL to get back at the Pats for believing in freedom and to promote the drug user QB of the Broncos and destroy one of the best news organization's in America, Al Jazeera. But that too, is a story for another day). My friend, who I will not name, and I were sitting here ready to watch greased up grown men put costumes on and rub all over each other. I was noticeably more excited than he was.

He stopped watching wrestling a few years back, but every once in a while he will watch one of the big PPVs. He does this partially out of a childhood interest, and also because if you spend enough time at my house, you are eventually going to be forced to watch some type of professional wrestling (I'm a nerd like that). Early in the show the “New Day” entrance theme started, and out came three of the most entertaining wrestlers that have graced my television in years. My friend and I (damn it, I have to give him a name because calling him “my friend” is getting annoying. Yet, I also do not want to put him on blast on the Internets. I guess I can just give him a fake name. For the rest of this post I will call him “Boner Face”).

So Boner Face and I are watching New Day give their usual wild and random promo. At one point while the leader (Xavier Woods) was talking, Boner Face looked at me and said “I don't like this guy, he annoys me”. I've known Boner Face for years, so this didn't surprise me one bit. And if you knew Boner Face, you would consider this classic Boner Face opinion. I went on to respond to his complaint by simply saying “heat is heat”, meaning, finding a pro wrestler is annoying is better than not having an opinion at all. Because that is what pro wrestling is at its core, forming a subjective opinion on a character, then watching their story unfold.

Boner Face didn't want to argue with me so he just sat there and continued to watch and to his credit, let me enjoy my favorite TV show without criticizing something he didn't like. Boner Face understands what wrestling is about and he understands that wrestling is subjective. You will get as much enjoyment out of it that you want to get out of it. This is why Boner Face chooses not to watch wrestling anymore. He knows he doesn’t get the enjoyment I get out of it. It is very similar to his love of cooking shows or Mrs Juice love of terrible Bachelor type shows. These shows are their “cup of tea” and if they didn't like what was happening on those shows, they simply would stop watching.

The moral of this story of Boner Face and I watching Royal Rumble is this, wrestling is subjective......Let me repeat that

Wrestling is subjective.

Now let's jump to the actual Royal Rumble match. I look at the Royal Rumble as the WWE's version of the “State of the Union Address”. Most of the companies' competitors are in the ring at once. The fans have nearly an hour to approve or disapprove of the current state of the company. Just look at the last few Rumbles, the crowd's reactions and the fallout that ensued after, as proof to my “State of the Union” theory.

The end of the Rumble saw the return of Triple H (unarguably one of the best competitors of all time), the current top heel in the company. His character is that of a crooked, power hungry, authority figure that will stop at nothing to get his way. This is a theme that the Triple H character has had through his entire career.

For more background on that, look to the video on YouTube entitled “Wrestling Isn't Wrestling”


This video details the career of the Triple H character and the evolution (pun intended) of the Triple H story. After watching this video, one should have a decent understanding on who Triple H is, without all the fan noise.

As we all know by now, HHH won the Royal Rumble and became the WWE World Champion for the 50th time (citation needed). And right on cue, the internet voiced their displeasure in 140 characters or less. The twitters was like “HHH won, this is stupid”, “what a surprise, HHH gave himself another title” and “Even though I don't fully understand the context of what is happening and I cant shut out the crowd noise to see we are in the midst of a great story and my lack of ability to shut out group think has left me just repeating the same crap over and over because my favorite wrestler didn't win” (OK, that last one I made up, but that's what it looked like to me). Hell, even our fearless leader, NevaRWilliams, retweeted a copy of WWE finances to infer that Paul Levesque put himself in the Rumble as a short sided decision to grab some cash, ignoring that he pretty much owns the business and doing a short sided cash grab makes minimal sense for his company in the long run.

The group think reaction is amusing. Because lets be real, our favorite wrestler didn't win and we are mad as hell. With that said, right now you are probably thinking “it isn't because our favorite didn't win, it is because creative blah blah blah”. So let me stop you right there. That way of thinking is baseless for two reasons 1) you do not know where this HHH title reign is headed, what if Daniel Bryan comes back for a match against HHH to cap of a three year long story? That would be a fun ride. And 2) the creative for this story has been really good, once you stop all the noise and pay attention. HHH has been mad at Reigns for a long long time now. I cant remember the exact origins but HHH is mad at Reigns and has done everything to stop him from being champ. He unsuccessfully sent wrestler after wrestler at Reigns but could not stop him. Randy Orton, Sheamus, Stephanie, Vince, formed the League of Nations, Seth Rollins, Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family all fell victim to the Roman Empire (I get it, you don't like Reigns, but remember wrestling is subjective and plenty of people do like him. A Lot). So after sending all his cronies, keeping with his character's theme, HHH decided he would stack the deck in the Rumble and use his power and influence to enter the Rumble at 30, eliminate Reigns and become the champ.

Because, for two decades, the HHH character has been power hungry and will do anything to get his way (including having sex with a dead body, date raping and marrying his bosses daughter and wielding a bone crushing sledgehammer at every opportunity.

I will pause for a minute while you comprehend that this story is actually a really good one and your dislike of a professional wrestling character has jaded your opinion on the Rumble finish.
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You still with me? Because now is the time where I bring this all together.
Triple H was trending 12 hours after the show ended. The reasons why it was trending, when you get past all the BS, is simple. Wrestling is subjective and the Internet was really mad that a heel won.

Still in denial? Who did you want to win? Ambrose (me too), how would that have made sense in the time line of story telling? Sure we all would have popped, but how does that play into this 6 month long epic story we are in the middle of? Maybe there is a way to fit Ambrose in and tell another great story, but what kind of mainstream attention would that have gotten? Minimal? A lot? To be honest, I don't know the answer, because it isn't important. The important thing is, the man we all hate won. And that prompted a huge reaction from even non wrestling fans. I saw people tweeting about the Royal Rumble that have never tweeted about wrestling before. And that is the goal of WWE. To make some noise and gt people riled up.

“But HHH as champ makes me mad not because he is a heel but because he is holding people down and boosting his own ego”.

This is a very real possibility. It is possible that HHH just wants to boost his ego and his legacy at the expense of his family’s business. Though it is possible, this is not probable. In fact, this way of thinking is exactly what WWE and Paul Levesque want you to think. This is a billion dollar corporation and brand that made its money getting fans upset then making them happy. The good guys always go though the “Hero's Journey” and the bad guys do bad guy stuff to top the hero.

“Duh, I am not an idiot Juice, I get that. But HHH doesn't care about the fans”.

Well internet group thinker, this is simply not true. In fact, with all the success of NXT, I will make the argument that HHH knows the fans very well and is actually a genius when it comes to pro wrestling psychology. HHH is so in touch with the fans, he knew exactly what the reaction on the twitters would be when he won. And that reaction was blind rage. Rage that was built up so much that fans had nothing to do except get on social media and voice their frustrations.

The end result...............get ready...........here it comes............12 hours after the 2016 Royal Rumble, Triple H was STILL trending, nationwide.

“We are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore! Until WWE Fastlane, because I want to see HHH get what he is do!”

Wrestling is subjective. My friend Boner Face found Xavier Woods annoying, the internet hates HHH, I don't like Ziggler, my niece loves Bayley and my wife hates Cena. These are individual opinions and none of them are wrong. Why? (Say it with me), wrestling is subjective. Very good, you are getting it.

The worst thing you could do to WWE is ignore it. If you cheer when Sasha Banks comes out or boo when Sheamus comes out, you are contributing to the product exactly how they want you to. If you do nothing when Los Matadors come out, then you are doing what WWE wants, therefore, Los Matadors are getting repackaged.

I guess what I am saying is, please, continue to voice your outrage when HHH books himself to win, because that is exactly what he wants. They want you to be involved. HHH and the WWE as a whole covets and needs instant reaction for sustenance. To maintain the product. To ensure future success.

“It's Time To Play The Game” is not just some clever lyrics for a wrestler's theme song, it is also a motto that HHH and WWE live by. Last night at the Royal Rumble, HHH and WWE played you like a game. And you fell for it. And you didn’t even realize it. The reaction of anger and vitriol is the reaction WWE was looking for.

Don't believe me?

Why was Ambrose the final person in the Rumble with HHH? Because he was the ultimate good guy and right now, probably the most over, healthy good guy on the roster. That f*cker HHH took us to the top of the mountain, got us all excited with the possibilities of an Ambrose title reign, then shit in our Cheerios. Because, Triple H is a power hungry dick, coward, butt face, bad guy that placed himself last in the Rumble, barely earned a victory and fucked his way to the top of the corporate ladder.

“Maaaannnnnn F*ck Triple H! He's a dick.”


Yes, yes he is. And I can't wait to see him lose, I bet you can't either.